
moar funny pictures
First, some news. I am officially a writer. Why, you ask? Because today, I received my very first official rejection letter. Yay! This is great! Why, you ask? One word... Deductions! Yup, I'm all about the tax deductions (since it won't get published this year, I figure why not). So anyway, back to the snippet. This one comes right after last weeks snippet with Adhara and Selene. This one though involves Cassie and Cintha (one of Adhara's girls). Hope you like it.
Cassie finished the last of her chores and ran out of the barn, carrying a large canvas haversack and wheeling a large barrow inside of which was an equally large woven basket. Zinnia had promised to stay late so that Cassie could work in the orchard without having to worry about watching the boys. The apples needed to be picked quickly, so of course, Umar expected Cassie to do it all by herself in addition to her other chores and watching the boys after school.
Walking back towards Adhara and Selene’s farm, Cassie turned off the path just before reaching the creek and its fallen log bridge and walked up into the forest a ways. There, nestled in a fold in the land and sheltered from the winds by the surrounding forest, grew the farm’s apple orchard. Not a very large orchard, Cassie had been coming every afternoon for a fortnight to pick those apples that were ready, taking the opportunity to inspect each tree for signs of its health.
Climbing swiftly into the first tree, Cassie picked quickly, able to tell by feel which fruits were ripe. When the haversack was full, Cassie tied a rope to the bag’s shoulder strap and lowered the bag to the ground. Once Cassie herself was on the ground, she would empty the bag into the woven basket before moving on to the next tree. Whistling a cheerful tune, Cassie called out a happy greeting to the songbirds eating the grass seed, as well as to the barn cat who had come out to the orchard looking for Cassie, before settling down for a nap in the sun.
Cassie was almost finished picking apples for the day when a loud noise caught her attention. It sounded like someone was in trouble, possibly someone was being chased. Unfortunately, if someone was being chased, Cassie knew without a doubt who was doing the chasing. Emptying the haversack one last time, Cassie left the orchard and slipped silently into the deep shadows of the surrounding forest. Following the sounds, Cassie worked her way ahead of the noise and climbed the nearest tree that offered some protection from being seen.
Cassie’s heart sank when she saw that her guess had been right: Sabik, one of her step-brothers, had caught a girl and had her pinned against the trunk of a tree. Cassie couldn’t see who it was around Sabik’s larger body, but Cassie was close enough to hear the sounds of ripping fabric. Taking one of the stones from her pocket, kept there to keep the squirrels and birds out of the basket of apples, Cassie took careful aim and threw, hitting Sabik squarely in the seat of the pants.
Cassie swore softly to herself, remembering at the last minute to duck so he wouldn’t see her. The terrified girl huddling at Sabik’s feet was Adhara’s Cintha. Cassie had to do something to get her away from him, but what. A scrap of a plan was all Cassie had time to come up with, and desperation leant her strength as she climbed up higher into the tree and at last reached a branch that was broad enough to reach the tree beside it. Climbing out onto the limb was the most terrifying thing she’d ever done, reaching out and grabbing onto the branch of the neighboring tree and climbing into that tree. After several such moves, Cassie found herself in the tree that Cintha was pinned against.
Cassie still hadn’t figured out how to distract Sabik when she heard the sound of approaching voices. Momentarily hopeful, Cassie fought down the panic she felt when she realized it was Nunki, calling for Sabik and probably wanting to join in on any trouble he was up to. Wishing with all her heart that she had a way to set Sabik’s pants of fire, Cassie was amazed when she saw smoke wafting out of his back pocket. Maybe he had stored his firestone there; he was the only person she knew who always carried his firestone with him: Sabik was known to set fire to the barn cat’s tail.
Sabik’s laughs changed to howls of pain and fright as he felt the heat of the cloth against his skin. Letting Cintha go, Sabik started to roll on the ground trying to put out the fire smoldering in his pants, the fire that would not be put out but never grew bigger.
Reaching down just as Cintha was prepared to jump up and run away, Cassie caught her attention and then caught the wrist she held up, quietly pulling her into the branches of the tree.
“We can’t stay here,” Cassie whispered, “I heard Nunki looking for Sabik, he’ll think to look in the trees even if Sabik doesn’t. Follow me,” and Cassie lead Cintha higher into that tree and through the branches of several neighboring trees, until at last they were resting in a truly giant tree beside the creek just before the waters split to pass around the island that lay in its path. Halfway up the main trunk of the tree, there was a large crotch where three branches split away from the main trunk, easily large enough to comfortably fit two young girls.
“Are you alright?” Cassie asked, pulling Cintha down into their hiding place and wrapping her arms around the shivering girl, her shirt had been ripped open and then torn further in the struggle with Sabik. Cassie pulled the scraps of fabric off the shivering girl, explaining as she did so, “You’re shivering, let me get you warmed up. You didn’t get scrapped or scratched in the trees, did you?” And taking off her sweater, Cassie quickly undid the frogs on her under tunic, telling Cintha, “the sweater might be scratchy if you got scraped up climbing, and the tunic will warm you up quicker,” and pulling the tunic over her head, helped the shivering girl put it on, redoing the frogs and rolling the sleeves up so they didn’t hang down beyond her fingertips. Once she’d put the tunic on Cintha, Cassie put her sweater back on and once again pulled the shivering girl into her arms, holding her close to let her feel safe.

20 comments:
Congratulations on your rejection! That first one is a milestone. Okay, you don't more, really, but the first one kinda feels good.
Of course, I could be a freak... (no need to comment)
Seriously, congratulations on the rejection. It's a huge step to putting your work out there and the first of many, even when you hit the bestseller lists!
wahoo! congrats on your rejection letter! you knew you'd have to get one. Now it's out of the way...
Thank you, thank you very much. Okay, now that's out of the way. What About The Snippet??!!! I Need Feed Back!!! So, what'd ya think?
Awww...{{{hugs}}} on the R, Ann. I'm sorry.
(But it does make you feel more professional, lol).
The snippet has movement. S'good.
One very tiny suggestion? Watch for repetition of words.
(running for the hills...)>>>>>>>
I would say that I'm sorry to hear about your rejection but you actually seem okay with it so congratulations. Onward and upward!
Hi Raine, thanks, and thanks on the suggestion. :)
Hi Shelley- yeah, I'm okay with it. It's been so long since I sent it in, I kind of figured that what it had to be. Next time.
Nasty boys. I wonder why the village allows them to carry their mischief so far as to try and rape a girl. Are Adhara's family outsiders? And will Carrie realise she's just used magic on that brat?
Congrats on the rejection. I have yet to go through that stage - my first submission was an acceptance, but since I don't get suitable short story plotbunnies these days, it remains my only fiction submission so far. I bet my novels will gather me some, though. :)
Good snippet. Gabriele's right, nasty boys! Cassie should be putting two and two together before long and realizing she set his pants on fire...
Hi Gabriele and Cheryl- yup they are nasty boys. Adhara and her family have just moved into town and haven't met many people yet (they just met Cassie the first day of school and she's their nearest neighbor). Cassie will be learning a lot this year. :)
Hi Ann,
Sorry I'm late to this - busy weekend again. Well done on the rejection - I haven't even got to the stage of sending things off, yet (that's this month's project)...
As to the snippet - I have a small suggestion which kind of depends how you want magic to work in your world. (This is assuming that it is Cassie's fault about the fire!) I'd suggest that you have Cassie make a bit more effort; put her under a bit more mental pressure, or make her panic, or something. Because if magic is so simple that she doesn't have to mentally 'push' for something to happen (and if it doesn't cost her in some way - for example, make her a bit tired) then within a week she'll destroy the world through flights of idle fancy. It's not far from thinking "I wish I could set his pants on fire" to "I wish I knew what would happen if the moon crashed into the ground..."
In my experience, magic works best when it has a cost.
Hope that's helpful!
It's fantastic that you're sending your work out there and getting responses. I'm sorry it was a rejection, but it's great that it has served a purpose. :)
Thanks Ian, I'll have to work on that, what I was aiming for was that she was so focused on what was going on below her she didn't notice the effort she'd put into setting his pants on fire, but once she realized she'd done it the next time she tried to do something she'd also be aware of the cost.
Hi Christine- thanks, I'll keep trying. :)
Thanks Ian, I'll have to work on that, what I was aiming for was that she was so focused on what was going on below her she didn't notice the effort she'd put into setting his pants on fire, but once she realized she'd done it the next time she tried to do something she'd also be aware of the cost.
Hi Christine- thanks, I'll keep trying. :)
Yes, you've taken that bold step into the publishing world. Rejections suck, but if you don't try you'll never get the coveted Acceptance letter. :)
Or the tax deductions. :)
Yey! Welcome to the fabulous world of being a writer. This is why you take any piece of flattery anyone says, any time they say it, and you RUN with it, Ann! LOL! One more rejection means one rejection closer to the big yes. You write beautifully!!! I loved the snippet.
Aw, Ann... I'm sorry about that R. I'm late finding this post, so I read through some of the other comments. So many wise words from your friend. R's are tough, but a big part of the writing game. I still flinch when I get them. Take heart though, you write well. Hang in there. (And do take advantage of those tax deductions!)
Hi Red and Cora- thank you both for you kind words.
Hiya Ann,
First - congrats on the rejection! You are indeed a REAL writer now :D
(funny - only another writer would totally get our congrats on getting rejected!)
As for your snippet - I have to agree with iant's comment about Cassie setting the pants on fire. It felt kind of rushed over... crank up her angst, her desperation to help the girl, maybe she concentrates harder... somthing. Then maybe a head-shake moment when it happens, like her subconscious is getting the connection, but she's not, yet.
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